{Reverb 10} Comparison.
This post is part of the annual challenge called Reverb 10, which encourages us to reflect on 2010 and manifest for 2011 through daily prompts by various authors and bloggers.
Prompt: Writing.
By: Leo Babauta (@zen_habits)
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
When I first read this prompt, I thought it was an action that Leo was talking about. Like spending too much time on Twitter. Or Facebook. Or spending countless hours googling for little factoids that are almost always useless (though it would probably make a pretty good blog post if I actually kept track of everything I’ve learned). Or reading blogs.
Then it hit me. It wasn’t what I was doing that was preventing me from writing but it was how I was thinking about writing. I have been a blogger for over 5 years now, but I have been a writer for much longer than that. Last year, I wrote about my desire and disappointment with comments. I never seemed to get as much feedback as I hoped for, and it would disappoint me and discourage me from writing.
Was anyone actually reading this blog?
Clearly, I had hundreds of hits to this blog, but maybe it was people who just found me when googling for pictures of Julia Stiles (you have no idea…). When I sit down to write a post, more often than not, I am thinking about whether or not the post might garner some comments. It’s the age old “Does anyone like me?” fear. When people don’t respond to my writing, I worry that I’m boring. Or that I’m stupid. Or that I’m not funny. Or maybe that I’m not quirky or creative or interesting enough. There are so many bloggers that I read and I am constantly comparing myself to them. How many comments they get. How many RSS subscribers they have. How many events they are invited to speak at. How many Twitter followers they have. How their blog is designed or how many photos they use.
Comparing myself to others isn’t limited to my writing either. I compare my clothes. I compare my apartment. I compare where I have traveled or what I do for a living. And I feel so damn superficial when I do it, but it’s like a tick. I can’t help it.
When I think about what I do everyday that doesn’t contribute to my writing, it’s comparison. Comparing myself to other bloggers, whether they are diabetes bloggers or twentysomething bloggers or design bloggers or style bloggers. It’s hard to feel satisfied with you writing, or your accomplishments, or your life (which then severely limits your desire to write about anything!), when you’re constantly comparing yourself to people who have come from a completely different set of circumstances than your own. Some people are naturally talented in writing or graphic design, while others have had specific training or education. Some people are just more outgoing or have had more random opportunities to meet people. Some people just know how to do things that I don’t. It has nothing to do with how good or bad I am at what I do .
It’s not me, it’s you.
Comparing myself to what others have written, or what others wear, or where they’ve been, does not help me express myself. It hinders me. It generates fear and self-loathing. It stifles my creativity and turns me into a terrible version of someone else. Can I eliminate it? Hopefully. Because, as the lovely Judy Garland once said, “It’s better to be a first rate version of yourself, than a second rate version of someone else.”
Even if that means you don’t get any comments.
Join on your blog or simply leave your answer to prompt in the comments!
I dealt with this a lot over the course of the years as I grew in my writing and blogging.
That’s what leads you to be unhappy with your words. Writing for yourself and standing behind your words is what makes you authentic (And why people come back to read)
Yes, exactly! Authenticity is what I would like to replace comparison with.
I decided to do the Reverb thing too after you posted about it (thanks!!!) and I wrote something very similar today. I’m not so much motivated by comments, but I start thinking that my blog isn’t good enough for someone to read. Self-doubt that creeps up and says “no need to write that, other people are doing it and their voice is louder, and better.”
I’m just going to start writing to make myself happy and try and forget the rest. It’s a lofty goal, but I’ve got to start somewhere.
I have heard that a lot, especially in larger blogging communities, like diabetes. When there are so many people, it can often seem like you’re voice is needed or important. I totally get that!
Amen! I’ve been thinking along the lines of physical obstacles, but this hits a huge part of the nail as to what blocks my writing. It’s so hard not to compare, and subsequently find yourself lacking. I do it all the time, and not once have I come out of the process feeling good about myself or my blog. Way to go, finding a root cause. And here’s to being true to ourselves, whether the comments flow or not!
Yeah, I never feel better when I go off and look to see how many subscribers someone has. I always think it will motivate me but all it does is make me feel like there’s a big FAIL stamped on my blog.
The fact that I made the switch to using Google Reader this year has severely limited my commenting. When I can read the whole post in Reader, I don’t need to click through and I’m even less likely to comment….
I’m here to tell you I read every post, but I don’t think that matters. Good for you figuring out that what’s important is being true to your singular voice.
I always try to click through as much as I can. I was a pretty bad commenter for awhile (and thus felt like a big hypocrite) so I thought if I commented more, it would help. Sort of a “scratch your back, scratch my back” But it only works so-so. But it’s not even just the comments. It’s comparing everything! If I stop thinking about comments, I’ll just think about how much prettier or more interesting someone else’s blog is. It’s neverending!
LOVE this. My favorite part: “Comparing myself to what others have written, or what others wear, or where they’ve been, does not help me express myself. It hinders me. It generates fear and self-loathing. It stifles my creativity and turns me into a terrible version of someone else. Can I eliminate it? Hopefully. Because, as the lovely Judy Garland once said, “It’s better to be a first rate version of yourself, than a second rate version of someone else.””
Thank you. I’m sharing this.
Wow, thanks!
I’m glad it resonated with you.
Love this post so hard. I love the inherent meaning in your words. *It’s about expressing yourself.* Thank you for the reminder that expressing myself has ZERO to do with anyone else. <3
“Expressing myself has ZERO to do with anyone else.” I think that sums it up quite nicely!
You’ve nailed it! I went through the same thought process – what physical obstacle do I face when writing? – but then realized that the mental obstacles are much larger. Nicely stated.
I think the physical obstacles are what make our writing interesting. It’s our mental hang-ups that really screw with things.
Allison,
First off, congrats on your 5 years as a blogger! That is really amazing.
I definitely understand where your coming from. I just started blogging 8 months ago, so there was already a plethora of awesome GenY bloggers out there, and I’m constantly comparing myself to them in more ways than one. I think you and the other commenters nailed it: authenticity is key.
Here’s to 5 more years of great blogging!
Authenticity is key but oh so hard when you’ve got years of self-doubt. High school and college were not kind to me.
Great post. This hits the nail on the head for me in A LOT of ways. I tend to compare myself to REALLY successful (like full-time bloggers successful) and then I have to remember they don’t work 8 hours a day + blog. Blogging IS there job so obviously their photos and writing are going to be amazing – it wouldn’t be their job otherwise!
I always had to remember that when I was working. It was so hard to remember that they have more hours than me to devote to their blog. Maybe I’ve just always wanted to be a full-time blogger?
You hit the nail on the head! School work has prevented me, but it really is the thinking that gets you! I think we try to hard to think of a great post, but in the end we just have to be ourselves! Great post!
For me, work definitely played a role in not blogging as often as I wanted. It’s been a lot easier now that I’m unemployed!
Oh my goodness, this is me EXACTLY. (I seriously went, “ooohhhHHHHHH!!” aloud when I read this post!) Here’s to being first-rate versions of ourselves in 2011.
Haha! I’m glad I got an auditory reaction! 2011 is going to rock.
Comparison I have had this problem for a while. I remember when I first started blogging right around the time Amy and Kerri and you begin blogging about diabetes I felt exactly as you have stated and ended up deleting my first blog. It was not good enough, My writing was not good enough it went on and on that I just wanted to be a reader.
I have blogged on and off since.
I don’t think everyone is meant to be a blogger. There is definitely a skill and determination to be a blogger, and time of course, and I just don’t think it works for everybody. But I am glad to have you as a reader!
I like that you reply to comments on your blog, although I am bad at checking blogs I commented on for replies. I also like that you wrote about this, becasue I think it is one way most bloggers feel at one point. I’m not sure if it’s worse before you have readership or after you have readership and feel like, “I KNOW people are reading this, why aren’t they replying?” But as I mentioned on my blog yesterday (slash today?) I’ve learned to deal. I know my blogs purpose for now, and maybe if I get to the point of repurposing I’ll feel differently.
I think I’m terrible at replying to comments! I think it depends on the comment. Sometimes, I feel compelled to respond, and then other days I am just too busy and by the time I think about it, it’s been a day or 2 since they commented. I’m trying to get better, because I do notice that when I write back, more people comment. Funny how that works!