{Thankful Thursday} Seventeen.
When I was growing up, on my birthday, my mother would always ask me if I felt any older. I think every parent does this, and I always thought it was a funny question because it’s not like you sprout two heads or something. Feeling like your age is a very subjective, intangible sensation, usually brought on by an event or life circumstance.
When I woke up this morning, I thought to myself, “Do I feel like I’ve had diabetes for 17 years?” You would think that having diabetes for 17 years would make me feel wise, mature or experienced. That I would be confident and all-knowing, because I’ve been dealing with the same shit for so long. In some ways, I do feel wise and confident in managing my diabetes. But I’ll tell you, it didn’t take that long. I felt pretty experienced with diabetes after, oh, the third day? As in “I’m sick of this experience, can I please get off this ride from hell?” You know, that sort of experience.
In other ways, I’m uncertain and clumsy. Even after 17 years, I still get things so wrong sometimes. I am so oblivious as to why my body does what it does, despite analyzing and tracking it for so long. Sometimes my own body just feels so… foreign.
But I also feel thankful. I don’t feel any gratitude toward diabetes (little bastard…) but I do feel thankful for all the things that are in my life that help make it just a bit easier to live with and handle the finger pricks and the insulin pump site changes, the carbohydrate counting and the middle-of-the-night low blood sugars. The interrupted life.
I am thankful for my persistence, I am thankful for my friends’ understanding, and I am thankful for my family’s love and support. I am thankful for the opportunities to make a difference and I am thankful for the encouragement. I am thankful for the advice of some of the healthcare professionals I’ve encountered and I am thankful for the overflowing fountain of wisdom that is the Diabetes Online Community.
Diabetes doesn’t get any of the credit. This was all us. We’re the ones kicking its ass. We’re the ones tossing diabetes to the side, saying “You don’t own me. If I want do something, I will find a way.” Diabetes didn’t give us anything but a broken pancreas. Everything we have and everything we have accomplished? Our spirit and our perseverance? That is all us.
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Allison, you are such a beautiful person.
Well, I would say “happy” diaversary, but the fact that you’re still dealing with this 17 years later is hardly worthy of the term “happy”, is it? Instead, I would say “congratulations” because you’ve done a pretty darn fine job of managing things for that long, which is worthy of acknowledgement! I agree with all of your sentiments about diabetes not deserving any credit for anything, because anyone that claims it’s a gift is IMHO a hopeless optimist!! LOL
Like Scott, Ill say Congratulations on your 17th Diaversary. Getting a Magnolia cupcake to celebrate??
Nope, but the flowers Erik gave me had a little plastic cupcake on a stick. We went out for Indian food – enough carbs for me!
17 years wow…it will be 17 years for my sister, too, in like 2 weeks! You know she was a delegate the year you were! Only she was 6
So I saw you in person a long long time ago lol. Anyway, congrats, 17 years is a long time…I hope you do something nice for yourself today! 