When I was plotting out who I wanted to write during my week away on my honeymoon, I wanted to make sure to include someone who had been married for, you know, awhile. Leighann and I recently bonded while in Los Angeles on a business trip, and her and her husband seem like they have a really solid relationship. Although we know each other from our ties to the diabetes community, like me, she has more to her than just diabetes! I wanted to hear her thoughts from a marriage veteran because, let’s face it, there’s a lot more to a marriage than just the party that kicks it off! Here’s Leighann, talking about all the things that come after.

My husband and I have been together for 15 years and married for the past nine. I thought it would be so easy to write down a little marital advice for Allison and Erik, but as I wrote I couldn’t help but feel like I was coming across as negative.

I wish I could say it’s been smooth sailing, but the reality is that it’s work. (Not to mention when you add in stressors such as diabetes!) These two newlyweds won’t need any advice on how to get through the happy, easy times, which will hopefully comprise most of their lives together. It’s getting through the tricky parts that couples need help with.

So I offer up my best advice to Allison and Erik as they start their lives as a married couple. Some of this advice I can say I whole-heartedly do, some of it I strive to do, and some of it I know I should do.

1. Be appreciative of one another. It’s easy in a long-term relationship to take one another for granted. I know I don’t tell my husband often enough that I appreciate all that he does for our family. It’s not enough to think it, you need to also say it.

2. I know they say not to go to bed angry, but I have a slightly different take. Each day is a new day. No matter how mad you were the day before, let it go in the morning and start your day with a positive attitude.

3. Divide and conquer. Some people are better at some tasks or enjoy them more (or less). Don’t divide housework and home maintenance along gender lines, but divide the chores according to the ones you would each like to tackle. For instance, my husband does the dishes. He doesn’t necessarily load the dishwasher the way I would do it (efficiently!) or put things away where I think they should go, but he gets them done each day.

4. Have your own money. My husband and I have a joint account, but we also have separate banking accounts. Of course large purchases should be discussed, but to retain a little independence, you each need some money that you aren’t accountable to the other person for. It doesn’t have to be a large sum of money that you are each allowed to spend freely.

5. You are in it together. I have a higher educational degree* than my husband does, but he makes more money. Sometimes it’s frustrating that I don’t feel like I’m his financial “equal.” But I have to remember that we both contribute to the family in different ways, even if we don’t make the same financial contribution.

6. There’s no shame in asking for help. Life can throw some pretty intense things your way. Sometimes speaking to an outside person can help you work through problems, whether it’s a member of the clergy or a counselor. They may offer a fresh perspective or a sympathetic ear.

7. Don’t take everything so seriously. Laughing about something, rather than being frustrated or angry, goes a long way!

Allison and Erik, I wish you years of love and happiness. Of course it won’t be all sunshine and roses, but together you two will share a journey together that you couldn’t possibly have shared with anyone else.

*Darn liberal arts degrees. Want fries with that?!

Thanks for all the smart advice, Leighann! To catch up with Leighann, you can also check her out at @DMomBlog on Twitter. Now that I’ve moved beyond the wedding, what advice do you have for a happy, stable marriage?! Inquiring minds want to know!