I’m Just Not That Into This.
Have you ever tried to do something that you really, really wanted to do, knowing full well that you probably won’t succeed?
And then failed spectacularly?
Have you ever tried to do that something again, and again, and then a third time, only to have each attempt blow up more spectacularly and tragically than the one before?
Yeah, me too.
It’s not that I’m opposed to the theory of “If once you don’t succeed, try, try again.” It’s just that sometimes, trying again doesn’t accomplish anything. Actually, I take that back: trying again is usually a good thing. But trying for the fourth, fifth or sixth time is usually a sign of a delusional mind. Remember, kids: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results each time.
I’ve been feeling that way about many things these days, but for the purpose of this blog post, I’m talking about one thing in particular.
Blogging.
I’ve tried to keep Lemonade Life afloat for the past… well, for awhile now. I’ve tried redirecting the topics I write about. I’ve tried to be more consistent. I’ve tried being less consistent. I’ve tried commenting. I’ve tried being more controversial. I’ve tried being less controversial. And it just isn’t working.
It’s not you. It’s me.
It’s sad. Because Lemonade Life has been part of my life for six and a half years. That’s exactly one quarter of my life. I was 19 years old when I started this blog. I knew nothing about life. Now I’m 26 years old. And I’m even more confident in saying that I know nothing about life. Despite that, Lemonade Life has seen me through two years of college, graduating college and moving to the East Coast, dating, heartbreak and friendships, my engagement, my wedding, three jobs, weight gain and weight loss, and countless accounts of galavanting around the country and one magical trip across the pond.
I’ve thought about shutting my blog down before. I’ve come close, but always thought, Maybe if I just try a little harder.
No.
Sometimes things just don’t work out the way you think. Sometimes you’re not the right person for the job. Sometimes you’re not at the right point in your life. Sometimes there are other things that get in the way. Sometimes it’s other people, other obligations, other priorities. Sometimes it’s your heart that gets in the way. Sometimes you wish your heart wanted to go in a particular direction, but it just won’t.
Sometimes that’s actually okay.
I thought for a long time that if you wanted something bad enough, you could make it work. If I just tried a little bit harder, I could get there. I’m not good with failure. I’m not good with not getting or doing what I want, when I want. It’s a tragic flaw.
Blogging was always something I wanted to be really good at. And for awhile, I was. I actually got pretty popular for awhile, but my dedication to Lemonade Life has waned over the past… while… and I think it’s time to finally recognize that I can’t keep it up. It’s a stresser in my life. There are a lot of things going on in my life that I just don’t want to share on a public space like a blog, and with my mind preoccupied, things on weight loss, the movies I’m watching, and the places I’m going just feel like… filler. It just doesn’t feel right anymore and right now, my life is all about making Healthy Choices.
So I need to let Lemonade Life go. It’s painful. It’s hard. It makes me sad. But I know it’s the right thing to do. I know it’ll give me the chance to do even better and bigger things.
Don’t be too sad. I won’t be going away completely. You can still find me if you need me. I’ll still be tweeting and hanging out on Facebook. Of course, I’ll continue to write at DiabetesMine (having a job is nice, having a job you love is even nicer), occasionally sharing snippets of my personal journey with the Big D. I’m open to the possibility of guest blogging, so if that’s something you’re into, give me a shout. You can always email me. I’ll still be reading, and commenting, and in general trying to stay part of the community as much as I can.
But I have to let this part go. Maybe I’ll pop back again with another blog later. But for now, I think I’m going to enjoy relaxing, not worrying about an editorial calendar, or scheduling posts, or analyzing my life for a good story, or making sure I have my camera with me “for the blog.”
What I had was a good thing. For awhile. All good things must come to an end, right?
Gone, but hopefully not forgotten…
<3 Allison
Lemonade Life
July 12, 2005 – January 19, 2012
I. Am. Devastated.
I understand, but I’m still incredibly sad.
This means we will need to e-mail on a regular basis because just seeing you on Twitter doesn’t work for me. I need more Allison!
<3
Allison,
I am going to miss your presence in the blogosphere tremendously. It saddens me to see that you are shutting down your blog, but if you think that it is the right thing to do and that you will be happier, well then i’m happy for you and I say you go girl, for recognizing what you need.
You were one of the very first Advocates I came across in the Diabetes Online Community. I found your website, Diabetes Teen talk. From there I am still in contact with many teens with Diabetes I met and we are still to this day the best of friends. Thank you for everything that you have done and will continue to do in the DOC. Please don’t be a stranger.
You make a difference.
What Stephany said
I was just starting to get into your blog!
Glad you’ll be around on twitter!
<3
Awwww, that makes me really sad as a new-ish reader!
But I wish you all the best in whatever you do with your writing, whether it be blogging or otherwise. And of course now that I know you on Twitter, we can for sure keep up there… At least!! And with #twookclub and whatnot. Good luck, girl! You really gotta do what’s best for you.
Oh this makes me so sad but I understand. You gotta do what is best for you. Still bummed though!
Allison,
Your blog was one of the first I found after I was diagnosed. I read Lemonade Life and Six Until Me almost obsessively. I was 14 and I was diabetic and I was freaking terrified until I read blogs, but primarily yours and Kerri’s. I can say with no doubt in my mind that your blog changed my life. I’ve done okay with diabetes, and it wouldn’t have been that way if I hadn’t found the support of the DOC through your blog and through Diabetes Teen Talk.
I don’t believe that people should keep doing things which aren’t working for them anymore because of habit or pressure. But I wanted to let you know that I think I’ve read every blog post you’ve written since July 6th ’07 when I was diagnosed, and every post that was available at that point, and that you were invaluable to me. I’m glad you will still be around on Twitter.
Thank you so much.
Emma
You will be missed. Yours was one of the first blogs I came across when I first discovered the DOC. Please stay connected in some way with the DOC, and I will be reading you on diabetesMine and Facebook. Good luck, and thank you, you have helped more people than you will ever know.
Ms. Allison, it’s sad to see it go, but you have 7 amazing years of blogging here under your belt, plus you still get to write for the ‘Mine. Thank you for all your fantastic posts, and thank you for being one of my DOC family members almost from the beginning. It’s been quite difficult keeping up with the growing Diabetes OC, but you have been a friend this whole time. Best wishes to you in your life and your other endeavors.
(This kinda makes it sound like I’m never going to talk to you again…SO not true. See you around the ‘net, the tweets, the Facebook.
)
Wow. I’ve got to say, I’m really surprised. But I understand that blogging isn’t for everyone, & even if it’s for someone at some time, that doesn’t mean it will be forever. Sometimes it’s time, I guess. Enjoy!
Allison-
I am sad to see you go. I kinda fell off the blogging trend too, but I still occasionally came back to read yours. I am glad we got to meet through Diabetes Teen Talk, and also happy that you got to come to my JDRF walk in Philadelphia a few years ago.
I’ll be sorry to see your blog end, but I will still try and catch up with you on Facebook and Twitter!
Awwwwwww, that stinks
I just found your blog a month ago and now I can’t experience all the great writing that I’ve seen just snip its of before.
Oh well, there are still so many living with diabetes blog out there.
Thanks for everything!
Wow. This is sad. But I get it. I closed down QLL for a lot of the same reasons. And when I started justrealhappy, I told myself “no pressure…this time I’m writing for me.” I wish so badly I could have one of those blogs that has a million followers, but I dunno if that will EVER happen. But for now, I’m content with writing for me. So I shall.
Let’s stay FB and Twitter friends, most definitely.
I know you didn’t come to this decision lightly, but we’re going to miss you!! Good thing you’ll still be on twitter.
You will be greatly missed!!! I understand where you are coming from though! I wish you the best of luck and hopefully will see you again back here one day.
Sad news!
But completely understandable if you’re just not feeling passionate about blogging anymore, and if it’s stressing you out – even a little.
Have fun being blog free!
Allison, your post is interesting, because I have thought about the same thing at times, and we both started blogging in 2005.
When I look at my blog posting activity over years past, I’ve spent far less time blogging recently: In 2011, I averaged around 2 posts per month. By comparison, in 2007 I averaged over 10 posts per month! Some of it is time required (or a lack thereof), but frankly, I also think growth in the community plays a role (who wants to be the 15th post on a given topic?). While I’m not closing the door, I do think my energy dedicated to blogging is now being directed towards other endeavors with (or on behalf of) the diabetes community. I guess it’s evolution. I hope you’ll occasionally return to Lemonade Life (after all, think of how long it took to get the domain name!) but I totally get that it won’t necessarily be a regular thing. Mine isn’t, either, these days!!
I’m sure it will be wonderful to just enjoy the moment without worrying about how to rephrase it all for a blog post. Enjoy yourself and enjoy your hubby.
If you decide to start up a personal blog again, please do a post over at DiabetesMine so I know how to find it.
I’m sorry to hear, Allison, but echo the sentiments other shave expressed and what you’ve said. You’re still going to be around, in more than one place online and probably offline, and so it’s not like you’re going to be a stranger. I, too, think it’s interesting as Strumello describes – and I think the growth in the DOC, especially just in the past year or so, has been a big part of how I’ve changed my own blogging. There are so many now, but there are so many entry points into this community – not just the blogosphere or single communities that brought many of us into the fold. Now, many are finding each other through Twitter first, through Facebook, and it’s an interesting dynamic that’s meant we all have to grow in what we do. But the point is: YOUR life must come first, and it’s supposed to be what you want it to be. Nothing something you’re obligated to do. So, knowing you’ll still be around, but maybe just not here for now, it’s not exactly a sad thing – just an evolution, a new chapter. And no one says you have to close the book forever, if the mood strikes, do what you need to. After all, it is YOUR blog. And YOUR life. Thanks for doing what you have and helping create what is our community, and thanks in advance for everything more I know you’re going to be doing down the road. Best your way, my friend.
well Allison, i just want to say “thanks” for letting us into your life. yours was one of the first blogs i found when i started my own blog less than a year ago. from you i’ve learned so much. i’ve learned not to stress over the numbers. i’ve learned that i’m not alone. i’ve learned that I CAN DO THIS!
i wish you well in whatever you are doing. i will continue to read your posts over at D-Mine, and on Twitter and FB.
don’t be a stranger.
(ps. i am working my way through The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, and will let you know what i think when i’m done!)
And I just started reading your blog! I can understand your feelings though, having had a few blogs of my own and then feeling burnt out and “over it.” It should never feel like work, it should be fun and if it isn’t, then you’re making the right choice for you!
I’ll miss your posts popping up in my Google Reader!! But, I completely understand what’s motivating this change. Looking forward to seeing you on the ‘Mine and twitter!
I think you gave your blog a worthy send-off with this post! You expressed your sentiment perfectly. See you on Twitter.
<3
I for one am going to miss you greatly. I have always only been a reader of blogs though so I can understand why there would need to be some sort of end at some point.
I always loved hearing your prospective on life. Thanks for giving me hope for own life on more then one occasion.
Aw, sad that I got here right at the end. :/ I understand what you’re saying about the sometimes confusing and frustrating nature of blogging. For me, blogging generally just boils down to me wanting to document certain things about my life, regardless of large followings. Although then I think, why do my thoughts need to be public, should there be another purpose to blogging? So I think I understand your struggle. In any case, good luck!
Don’t forget, you can always come back home. :^) I’m going to miss your little blog. Good luck and keep in touch!