I’m Just Not That Into This.
And then failed spectacularly?
Have you ever tried to do that something again, and again, and then a third time, only to have each attempt blow up more spectacularly and tragically than the one before?
Yeah, me too.
It’s not that I’m opposed to the theory of “If once you don’t succeed, try, try again.” It’s just that sometimes, trying again doesn’t accomplish anything. Actually, I take that back: trying again is usually a good thing. But trying for the fourth, fifth or sixth time is usually a sign of a delusional mind. Remember, kids: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results each time.
I’ve been feeling that way about many things these days, but for the purpose of this blog post, I’m talking about one thing in particular.
I’ve tried to keep Lemonade Life afloat for the past… well, for awhile now. I’ve tried redirecting the topics I write about. I’ve tried to be more consistent. I’ve tried being less consistent. I’ve tried commenting. I’ve tried being more controversial. I’ve tried being less controversial. And it just isn’t working.
It’s not you. It’s me.
It’s sad. Because Lemonade Life has been part of my life for six and a half years. That’s exactly one quarter of my life. I was 19 years old when I started this blog. I knew nothing about life. Now I’m 26 years old. And I’m even more confident in saying that I know nothing about life. Despite that, Lemonade Life has seen me through two years of college, graduating college and moving to the East Coast, dating, heartbreak and friendships, my engagement, my wedding, three jobs, weight gain and weight loss, and countless accounts of galavanting around the country and one magical trip across the pond.
I’ve thought about shutting my blog down before. I’ve come close, but always thought, Maybe if I just try a little harder.
Sometimes things just don’t work out the way you think. Sometimes you’re not the right person for the job. Sometimes you’re not at the right point in your life. Sometimes there are other things that get in the way. Sometimes it’s other people, other obligations, other priorities. Sometimes it’s your heart that gets in the way. Sometimes you wish your heart wanted to go in a particular direction, but it just won’t.
Sometimes that’s actually okay.
I thought for a long time that if you wanted something bad enough, you could make it work. If I just tried a little bit harder, I could get there. I’m not good with failure. I’m not good with not getting or doing what I want, when I want. It’s a tragic flaw.
Blogging was always something I wanted to be really good at. And for awhile, I was. I actually got pretty popular for awhile, but my dedication to Lemonade Life has waned over the past… while… and I think it’s time to finally recognize that I can’t keep it up. It’s a stresser in my life. There are a lot of things going on in my life that I just don’t want to share on a public space like a blog, and with my mind preoccupied, things on weight loss, the movies I’m watching, and the places I’m going just feel like… filler. It just doesn’t feel right anymore and right now, my life is all about making Healthy Choices.
So I need to let Lemonade Life go. It’s painful. It’s hard. It makes me sad. But I know it’s the right thing to do. I know it’ll give me the chance to do even better and bigger things.
Don’t be too sad. I won’t be going away completely. You can still find me if you need me. I’ll still be tweeting and hanging out on Facebook. Of course, I’ll continue to write at DiabetesMine (having a job is nice, having a job you love is even nicer), occasionally sharing snippets of my personal journey with the Big D. I’m open to the possibility of guest blogging, so if that’s something you’re into, give me a shout. You can always email me. I’ll still be reading, and commenting, and in general trying to stay part of the community as much as I can.
But I have to let this part go. Maybe I’ll pop back again with another blog later. But for now, I think I’m going to enjoy relaxing, not worrying about an editorial calendar, or scheduling posts, or analyzing my life for a good story, or making sure I have my camera with me “for the blog.”
What I had was a good thing. For awhile. All good things must come to an end, right?
Gone, but hopefully not forgotten…
July 12, 2005 – January 19, 2012